Here are my impressions of this week’s Bachelorette
Besides being a little boring and seemingly long, this episode was set in beautiful Bermuda and we got to see the beautiful men once again try to impress Emily Maynard.
There was a bit of male pre-date anxiety and it looked ugly. The men are getting almost catty whenever they are left to their own devices. There is a lot of mind warfare going on. Each guy is tring to take the others down. Particularly the ones who seem to be in Emily’s favor. There is about to be a battle when Emily enters the room.
“Doug angry. Doug smash.”
If you have seen The Hulk or The Avengers, that will crack you up!
Doug and Emily go on the one on one date together. They shop and walk and hang out. When they get a chance to talk, Emily asks him if he ever has a bad day.
Interesting. How ever did she know to ask that? What made her think he might not have had a good day. Is his green showing?? Doug angry. Doug smash.
I thought things might be over for Doug as Emily leads him to a romantic spot. Oh no! It’s a wishing moon gate. . . this date is doomed! Its just like the wish clock! Don’t do it Doug!
Here we go again. Emily says she feels that something is wrong and she is worried that Doug is too much like Brad. She asks him a good question. “What would your ex-girlfriend say was wrong with you?”
When he can’t answer the question, Doug is smart and turns the tables on her and asks Emily the same question. She can’t answer.
“Doug smart!” “I’m just a guy. I’m Doug.” Doug not Hulk.
Set Sail on the Sea of Love, the Group Date
I think the group dates are the most demoralizing part of this process! The bachelors must vie for attention and really step up the charm to possibly get a single rose and be guarunteed a chance to come back next week. Hardly any of them get any real alone time with the bachelorette. They all have to watch Emily as she gets to know a select few and look like a jerk if they try to move in on her. Of course, I know, this is all part of the formula for the show.
Here are the poor chaps who had to endure this unhappy charade:
The date is a sailing competition. The men are separated into two groups and the winners will get more time with Emily and the losers will be off the date.
They are dressed in bright yellow and bright red T-shirts, they look like ketchup and mustard. I bet they all start craving burgers and don’t know why.
Emily believes that they are all giving it 1000% and no one tells her that is impossible! She says she hates watching guys compete, but you know she loves it! What girl wouldn’t love to have all thos hotties busting their butts to win a competition just to be on a date with her?
The yellow team wins and Emily only has to continue the date with half of the men.
Ryan is so full of himself he is driving me nuts! Miz Meliz Mad. Miz Meliz smash Ryan. What?
Emily is making out with Arie on the beach and as I predicted, the other guys are watching them as they stew in their envy.
It bothered me a bit that Emily uses the same blanket to wrap up in with Jef by the fire as she did with Arie at the water’s edge. Ewe, recycled throws. Let’s all get under the bankie!
Jef wants to matter to Emily. He like really likes her, like really. “I like really like hanging out with you. I like hurt my like fingers today on the like boat trying to like win.”
He might like actually like kiss her if he had any clue what he is like doing. He is the young one. Trying hard to compete and do the right things.
Lucky for like Jef, Emily is going to wait for that kiss from him. Awe! Like that is so like cute!
Now for Ryan. Oh, smartie pants Ryan. Ryan is so full of it, his eyes used to be blue but they turned brown. Ryan describes himself as being “mature and deep,” but Emily calls him out and points out that he doesn’t answer her questions. He challenges her in a round about way to be a positive example and makes her feel bad for kissing Arie. Ryan bad. Ryan has a total double standard. Emily doesn’t like being judged. Emily smash Ryan.
I am very proud of Emily for pointing out the double standard. If this were The Bachelor, no one would say a thing about the kissing or what goes on on the dates. True that!
After all this, I did think Arie would get the rose. Considering that I think he has gone to 2nd base with her by now under that blanket on the beach and how much she obviously wants to keep him around. But Emily gives the rose to Jef. She knows what she is doing. She still has plenty of roses in her garden.
Cue the fireworks. Literally, they end the date by watching the fireworks together.
Let’s Explore the Bermuda Love Triangle, the 2 on 1 Date
John & Nate get the chance to battle it to the end, er, ah, I mean, to get a rose on the two-on-one date. This date would be entirely awkward in any other situation. When was the last time you went out with two guys at the same time? It’s kinda weird, especially because after this date one guy is eliminated and is going to leave Bermuda and one gets a rose and has the chance to date Emily again.
It’s a beautiful sunshine day, The water is turqoise blue and crystal clear. The trio takes a luxury yacht to a picturesque alcove and cliffs. Nate says, “This could be a big jumping off point for us.” Just as the three of them actually jump off the cliff and into the water.
Then they eat in a cave that looked a little like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disnelyland. There had to be a more romantic or elegant way to set up that date. I am so sorry. It looked uncomforatble, humid, and smelly.
John is confident that Emily likes him. He is right. Nate is going bye-bye and Emily gives John the rose. I’m not really sure how she came to this desicion. I might have nodded off a bit at this point. My apologies. If I missed something truly exciting, please comment. If not, let’s just move on to the final rose ceremony. After all, that is what we are all here for!
After a brief insight as to how Emily and her daughter, Ricki, are able to spend time together in Bermuda, it is once again time for the cocktail party where the bachelorette gets one more chance to hang out with all the gentlemen before she makes her decision on who to present with a rose.
Chris Harrison, the host of The Bachelorette, gives Emily a good pep talk about why she is there – and “its not to be the hostess.” I have serious doubt that Ryan will get a rose because Emily says that she has a sense that he is pulling one over on her and that she has seen his manipulative side. Emily is quite sweet and sensible. She admits it is a big decision and she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. . . but she will be making a few grown men cry.
The Roses Go to:
Sean (sweet Sean)
Arie (of course, Arie plants a wet kiss on Emily’s cheek as he accepts his rose.)
Travis (wait, he looks like Sean, I am a little confused.)
Chris (Crystal blue eyed Chris.)
Ryan (What? Oh the drama!)
Kalon ( Seriously? – I think she is keeping Ryan and Kalon as bad boy bookends – holding up all the good books!)
Alejandro (I am surprised, there doesn’t seem to be any chemistry there. Just a scond, where is the chemistry teacher when we need him?)
Who is left without a rose you ask?
Michael (the tall, dark and handsome one with long hair) did not receive a rose, he thanks EMily and I think he said something odd, like “keep your legs shaved.” I don’t know what he said!?? My bad.
Michael says he has never been in love before as he walks away, crying in the rain. Oh, it is so sad. So sad. Miz Meliz sad.
Charlie, the other roseless bachelor, is also crying sad deparate tears as he leaves Emily, Bermuda, and the chance at true love. . . he says he doesn’t know what happened. He just started to opened up. Ah, the heartbreak!
Emily toasts the remaining bacholors and exclaims, “Next stop, London!”
I can hardly wait!!
What do you think will happen in London with Ryan and Arie? What will Kalon do? Do you think he will keep wearing the Clark Kent glasses or will he be Emily’s Superman?
Miz Meliz (Melissa Reyes) is a California Native and an original Valley Girl! She blogs about her many interests and tries to live in the moment. She and her husband of twenty years have three sons and enjoy the indoors. Okay, they like the outdoors, too!